Spiritual Networks


      COMMON GOAL                                                     METHODS
What do we really want?                            What do we each do to get it?

(Guideline questions: answers continually revised through negotiation.)

RESPECT: Each appreciates the other.           
(I allow time and energy to listen to and affirm the value of what each has to offer.)
Note: This is not about diminishing myself by deferring to someone else.                       

  • In what ways are we equals?                                   
  • How are our different strengths complementary?                       
  • How do I honor your ideas? What you value?                         
  • How does each of us appreciate the other's contribution?                      

GENEROSITY: I have so much to offer!!
(I let the enjoyment of everything I share keep encouraging me
about our progress together. We are doing it!)
Note: This is not about ingratiating nor rescuing the other. You owe me nothing.

  • How do I enjoy my contribution?
  • What ideas would I love to offer?
  • What actions would I be happy to do?
  • How do I give time and energy without counting the cost?
  • How do I let myself give from a sense of confident abundance?

REGRET: I am not contributing enough.                                   
(I allow time and energy to reconsider the quality of my commitment
to our goal. I hold myself accountable.)                                   

Note: This is not about shaming myself nor making myself responsible for you.

  • How have I broken our agreement?                       
  • In what way(s) am I contributing less than my fair share? How willing am I to say that I'm sorry?                                                                       
  • How willing am I to look honestly at the reasons for my falling short?                       
  • Am I really willing to change?                                          
  • How and why am I holding myself back from fully investing?                                   

ANGER: Our agreement is endangered!
(I dare to make known what it is that really matters to me regarding our goal and ways of accomplishing it.) Note: This is not about imposing my way, blaming, or chastising others.

  • What is the threat to our agreement?
  • What is the source of my perception of unfairness?
  • How do I perceive you as contributing less than your fair share?
  • In what way am I not satisfied with our balance of  responsibilities?
  • How do I disagree with your view of our agreement?
  • What needs to change?


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