AGREEING ON WHAT IS FAIR TO EXPECT
COMMON GOAL METHODS
What do we really want? What do we each do to get it?
(Guideline questions: answers continually revised through negotiation.)
RESPECT: Each appreciates the other.
(I allow time and energy to listen to and affirm the value of what each has to offer.)
Note: This is not about diminishing myself by deferring to someone else.
- In what ways are we equals?
- How are our different strengths complementary?
- How do I honor your ideas? What you value?
- How does each of us appreciate the other's contribution?
GENEROSITY: I have so much to offer!!
(I let the enjoyment of everything I share keep encouraging me
about our progress together. We are doing it!)
Note: This is not about ingratiating nor rescuing the other. You owe me nothing.
- How do I enjoy my contribution?
- What ideas would I love to offer?
- What actions would I be happy to do?
- How do I give time and energy without counting the cost?
- How do I let myself give from a sense of confident abundance?
REGRET: I am not contributing enough.
(I allow time and energy to reconsider the quality of my commitment
to our goal. I hold myself accountable.)
Note: This is not about shaming myself nor making myself responsible for you.
- How have I broken our agreement?
- In what way(s) am I contributing less than my fair share? How willing am I to say that I'm sorry?
- How willing am I to look honestly at the reasons for my falling short?
- Am I really willing to change?
- How and why am I holding myself back from fully investing?
ANGER: Our agreement is endangered!
(I dare to make known what it is that really matters to me regarding our goal and ways of accomplishing it.) Note: This is not about imposing my way, blaming, or chastising others.
- What is the threat to our agreement?
- What is the source of my perception of unfairness?
- How do I perceive you as contributing less than your fair share?
- In what way am I not satisfied with our balance of responsibilities?
- How do I disagree with your view of our agreement?
- What needs to change?
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