EMOTIONAL DISCIPLINE: Core Practices

RELATIONAL REVIEW

A way to stay current with what is happening for me in any significant relationship, to learn about myself, and to take what I’ve learned back into the relationship.

CENTERING / REMEMBER
I use a meditation exercise to get my awareness centered. Then I spend time remembering what happened in recent memory. I choose one specific experience that involves my relationship with another person, an experience where further reflection might help me to learn about myself.

NARRATIVE DESCRIPTION
I write a description of the relational event I have chosen, identifying what actually happened, in terms of what I observed outside myself (Sensing), as well as what happened inside me (Thinking and Feeling). I write this as a story, including all the information that has value in understanding what happened.
REFLECT
- How am I feeling right now, as I begin to write this review? How do I understand this feeling?
- How does the interpersonal event described above represent a pattern in my way of relating? (Spark … Reaction … Action … Consequences: see following page).
- What are the roots of this pattern? Where does it come from in my history?
- What else have I learned about myself?
- How do I understand myself in relationship to the significant other in the current interpersonal event?
- What impressions have I formed about the other? What have I come to notice in terms of their personality, personal characteristics, behavior patterns?
- How am I feeling toward this other as a result of this event?
DECIDE
- How do I take what I've learned here back into the relationship? What is my intention? What will I actually do?
- How am I feeling now as I end this review? How do I understand this feeling?
SPIRITUALITY
What might you add to, or notice in your experience of, each of the above steps, that would support your awareness of your relationship with the divine?

INTERPERSONAL PATTERNS
Can you identify every step in the pattern?
1……2……3……4

1. SPARK: What starts the chain reaction? (Start with “When …”)	“When … I’m talking to a large group of people …	“When … I feel passionate about something when I’m talking …	“When …	“When …
2. REACTION: What thoughts and feelings happen automatically?	“I think … about harsh judgments others may have of me “& I feel … anxious, insecure	“I think … about just being true to myself: just be who I am “& I feel … excited, confident	“I think … “& I feel …	“I think … “& I feel …
3. ACTION: What do I typically do at such a moment?	“and so I … Talk fast and get more abstract, less and less clear	“and so I … I let my enthusiasm flow into my words	“and so I …	“and so I …
4. CONSEQUENCE: What happens as a result of my action? (behavior and feelings of others, my own feelings about myself)	“and this is how it turns out: I feel disconnected from my listeners and we all get more anxious.	“and this is how it turns out: I feel proud of myself and hopeful that others may join in on what I value.	“and this is how it turns out:	“and this is how it turns out:

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