Helplessness, Frustration, Fear

  1. What was happening? I found out that our 19 year old granddaughter moved out of the safety of a maternity home with her baby into the home of a much older male “friend” just 10 days short of moving into independent housing arranged through the home.
  2. How did it/does it feel in my body (then and/or now.) I felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness especially since she lives 300 miles away and there was nothing I could do at that point to stop her. I felt frustration because she didn’t listen to any of my “words of wisdom” or take/appreciate all the help those who love her offered. I also felt fear for what the final outcome will be since her mom, our daughter, made similar choices years before and the outcome wasn’t good. I feel a knot in the core of my being and I want to literally scream to release that tension.
  3. What meaning did I/do I give to it? I know my feelings and reactions all go back to our daughter mentioned above. Watching the entire situation unfold is reliving what we went through years ago with our now deceased daughter. The similarities are uncanny. Déjà vu.
  4. What did I choose to do with the energy?…and what happened? I tried to center myself with deep breathing and prayer. I reminded myself that I am not in control of the situation (so hard for me) and that I can’t force her to accept the help she needs. I remind myself that she is not my daughter and the outcome may be different.
  5. Gathering wisdom: I am learning (slowly!) that I am not in control of everything around me. I cannot fix everything bad that happens to those I love. I do not need to feel guilty because I can’t fix these things. That part is a relief! I am reminded that when I fall back into this habit of thinking I can control all things, I am playing God and that is something I don’t want to do! This is an ongoing learning process for me but I am pleased that when I step back and look at a situation such as this at least I am aware and can identify what’s going on.
  6. What do I choose to do now in response to my learning? I can still offer her advice but I need to accept that she may chose not to take it. I also need to accept that she will make mistakes and that she needs my unconditional love and support in order to keep the lines of communication open.