Tenderness, Grief, Excitement

It was a first meeting with a jr high aged client referred to me by the parish religious ed teacher of the hispanic ministry.  The young man was reported to the school for cutting himself.  I waited for him at the front doors of the church.  We met in the sacristy while his father, sister, and 4 yr old brother waited in the pews of the peaceful, dimly lit sanctuary on a cold winter night.

I felt happy that he made it to the appointment, and tender at the sight of this sweet young man accompanied by his gentle family who clearly cared for him.  I felt waves of grief over the situation of his life as shock, denial, anger, and bargaining, all swirled inside my being.  Through the hour together he remained open to my presence and I felt the hunger of his soul to connect, to be heard, to be nurtured, to matter to someone loving and kind, mature and accepting.  My heart both ached and rejoiced at the gift of his sharing, so full of hope and need.  Somersaults of the soul rolled around as fireworks of potential lit up the dark starry skies of my mind.

I had let go a 17 year career in the corporate world with fear and trembling but I knew during this hour that I had come home, and that everything that happened in my life had lead me to, and prepared me for, this moment of love and a knowing that transcended what ego thoughts could grasp.  Peace like a river attendeth my way.

When I asked him if he would like to meet again next week his eyes twinkled and grew wide.  Yes, he replied with a smile.  I told him we would figure out the payment knowing full well that I would be more in debt to him than he to me when all was said and done. He…for having an accepting person to talk to; and me…for being ushered into my vocation.

As I walked to my car the crisp, cold air hit my face wet with hot tears streaming down.  My heart is still trembling at the awe of the human spirit, the resilience of our souls and the part of us that cannot be touched by finite hands but only by the infinite orchestrations of its creator.

I open myself again and say yes to unconditional love that will not let me go.  Whatever trials may befall, I am open, and I say yes to a life of faith.