frustration, anger

  1. What was happening? Describe the circumstances.

It happened this week, when I started to say goodbye to my sisters and friends because soon I will be leaving Chicago for 9 months assignment in the Philippines. I remembered my experience in Chile for 2 years: my struggles and difficulties in learning a new language and adapting to a new culture, the difficulties in finding my ministry, and the frustration to find out that my degree from the USA was not recognized by the government of Chile.  In addition, when I came back here, I felt angry and very disappointment because I felt unheard and judged by certain people.

  1. How did it / does it feel in my body (then, and/or now). Describe specifically or poetically. Include impulse (what I felt like doing). Name the feeling.

I felt my chest was very heavy and my heart was beating faster.  My face suddenly became warm and I could feel that tears were rolling down from my eyes.

  1. What meaning did I / do I give to it? Includes how it fits in a current relationship, as well as recurring past patterns.

I know that it is hard for me to forgive.  I hold so many grudges and I have the ego that wants to show to others that I was right; I feel that I was judged because I was not given an opportunity to tell my story and I had to go to a painful and difficult process last year.

  1. What did I choose to do with the energy? … and what happened… Consequences can include how I felt as a result of my choice, as well as implications for others.

I felt overwhelmed and I closed my eyes.  Then, I felt the joy and gratitude that came from within.  There was a moment of deep silence where I could feel the presence of God in my life.  In my mind I could picture my experience: the ups and downs and at the end of it, I could see myself standing in front of a big ocean, with my hands reaching out to the sky.  I let the people around me know my feelings.  I shared openly about what was life for me before, what do I see the experience and what do I feel now.

  1. Gathering Wisdom: What do I learn about myself? How does the learning fit within major themes in my history? How does it relate to my life purpose? What does it tell me about a specific present relationship? What is unfinished?

I have learned to take a positive attitude towards a negative experience.  I saw that what had happened to me as an opportunity to grow.  And this had been offered to me freely.  I was glad that I took it and made it right; I made it beneficial for my growth.  I have become more resilient and compassionate towards others.  I feel that I am more prepared and ready to focus on my next assignment in the Philippines.  I choose to live in gratitude rather than to live in bitterness from the past hurts.  I thank God for this opportunity.

  1. What do I choose to do now in response to my learning?

Now I already start my process of forgiveness and do some acts of reconciliation.